Always give a fake telephone number

A couple of months ago I accompanied my boyfriend to our local golf driving range. He was going to practice a bit before going golfing at a bachelors a few days after. Even though I was just going to spectate I still had to sign in and provide contact details.

Now I receive this phone call. I do not answer because I do not recognize the number. I listen to the voice mail instead…

I can’t make out half of what the guy is saying. Only the telephone number, something about Tiger Woods and a really enthusiastic wish that I enjoy the rest of my day.

My first thought is that somebody must have rented a Tiger Woods PC/PlayStation game on my account and have not returned it.

I listen to it a second time to try make out more. Quickly open Google and type in the number he gives. Results appear for the local Golf Club and Driving Range.

I listen to the voice mail AGAIN, now understanding where he is calling from and remembering that I was there a while back. I realize that he is trying to sell me golfing classes and the last part about Tiger Woods is actually “you might be the next Tiger Woods”.

Sorry guy, but this body was not built for sport and sun.

Because I didn’t answer the call and diffuse this salesman, I will probably continue getting calls from him.

Note to self: Always give a fake telephone number when filling any sign-in and or promotional type forms.


Cats don’t have owners, they have staff

I am awake on my day off way earlier than I would have preferred. The main reason for this is that our two new kittens, Maya and Inca, have learnt the best process to wake their human staff and also keep them awake:

  1. Cry and cry and cry by the bedroom door until the door opens
  2. If human gets back into bed, start jumping on selected body parts (open feet and full bladder are most effective)
  3. If kicked off bed, find a plaything like a plastic bag, pencil, ball of paper and make as much noise as your little paws can muster
  4. When human gets up to feed you, repeatedly run through legs while they are walking and, even though they are busy getting your food out, cry at them like they are not doing anything. Continue crying until food is actually in mouth.
  5. Once done eating, get back into bed with human for a nice cuddle, if you have any catfoody residue on your mouth or whiskers “accidentally” wipe this off on human’s open skin eg. arms, face or hair.
  6. Once human is done cursing and cleaning their skins, do something cute like giving baby squeaks and then staring at them innocently. They will accept this as an apology and reward the mornings behaviour with chin and tummy scratches.

So now I am wide awake while they are nicely cuddled in next to me, sleeping :/

*no animals, however infuriating, were harmed during the events recorded in this post.