Cats don’t have owners, they have staff

I am awake on my day off way earlier than I would have preferred. The main reason for this is that our two new kittens, Maya and Inca, have learnt the best process to wake their human staff and also keep them awake:

  1. Cry and cry and cry by the bedroom door until the door opens
  2. If human gets back into bed, start jumping on selected body parts (open feet and full bladder are most effective)
  3. If kicked off bed, find a plaything like a plastic bag, pencil, ball of paper and make as much noise as your little paws can muster
  4. When human gets up to feed you, repeatedly run through legs while they are walking and, even though they are busy getting your food out, cry at them like they are not doing anything. Continue crying until food is actually in mouth.
  5. Once done eating, get back into bed with human for a nice cuddle, if you have any catfoody residue on your mouth or whiskers “accidentally” wipe this off on human’s open skin eg. arms, face or hair.
  6. Once human is done cursing and cleaning their skins, do something cute like giving baby squeaks and then staring at them innocently. They will accept this as an apology and reward the mornings behaviour with chin and tummy scratches.

So now I am wide awake while they are nicely cuddled in next to me, sleeping :/

*no animals, however infuriating, were harmed during the events recorded in this post.


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